My Story

1)I’m going to treat you as a whole human being and treat you like family

2) I want you to know that I am human also

3) I am not only a physician and surgeon, but I am a healer

These are excerpts of my journey to get to a place where I can be of service to you:

People from the mountains with many illnesses crossed rivers and came to my mom's store to buy medicine. My dad bought copra from them to sell to a bigger company in the city. Often my dad gave the farmers a financial plan so they would not sacrifice their land as bank collateral for emergency medical and educational loans. Yet, there were still many he could not help. Many farmers suffered as bankers took over their lands and politicians catered to the wishes of big agrobusinesses, forcing these people to earn pennies for their produce; and the brave poor who revolted against these developments intermittently arrived in army trucks with devastating and deadly injuries and were sprawled on the municipal courtyard where the other children and I ran to see. I empathized with these rebels and for a long time romanticized the power of an armed struggle. It was late 1980’s- dictator Marcos had just been ousted, the rebel forces were on the offensive, and sugar and copra prices dipped to historic lows. So, faced with a bleak future if we stayed in the Philippines, my family and I flew to the United States. Luckily, my mom found a job as a nurse and started the legal process of etching our existence into the land called America.

Driven by the imprints of those I left behind, I worked hard in high school and landed at UC Berkeley where I planned to study the sciences to become a doctor so I could return home with medical knowledge and resources to help those who needed health care. But I met other people in the university community who challenged me to look at world problems from a different systemic perspective. The sciences then became secondary to learning about these global processes and my position with regard to the larger world. Majoring in Development Studies gave me the language to challenge assumptions and methods that drive inequalities and deny people decision-making powers. While I studied international development, I had a chance to return to the Philippines in 2001 after being away for ten years. I realized that the country I knew as a child had changed immensely. The more I reflected, the more I realized that my personal lens to view the country had changed as much as the country itself. I longed to go back to my home, but when I did, I didn't belong there anymore. I realized that I had to create a home here in America. Also in college, I found that the label `third world" encompassed all fractured and marginalized geographies. I realized that in America, the same features of privation that I saw in the Philippines are reflected in places like Watts, Brooklyn, and Boston (places that I’ve spent some time visiting and living in).

Post-911, desperate for hope and direction, I geared my work experience to learn and implement innovative solutions to the problems of the poor and disenfranchised. I taught poetry at UC Berkeley for 5 semesters, and in local schools and venues to empower people under the mentorship of one of the most widely-published and highly-acclaimed African American writers of her generation- the poet, playwright and essayist June Jordan. During this time, in my young adulthood, we embarked on the challenge to help other people find their poetic voices. We were in charge of workshopping their craft as well as creating a safe environment for their witnessing, their confessions, their coming-out and laying the groundwork for their eventual healing through written and spoken poetry. These experiences laid the foundation for poetry to be encoded in the genetics of everything that I did and will do.

Furthermore, the more I dove into international development practices and food security, the more I realized that my passion for medicine had a major place in my new interests- as a tool to collect empirical data to make authoritative arguments about the health of populations and to make an impact in someone’s life at the moments that he/she is in front of me. To understand and attempt to improve the quality of people's lives, I must be able to measure and identify what is going on with each individual human body and to be present for that patient- and therefore, a witness.

After college, I worked for Community Partners, which incubated 160 different projects in Los Angeles. There my suspicions were confirmed- indeed it is trees rooted in the ground that feed the community. I returned to my initial intention of practicing medicine in a community and took science classes at the Harvard Extension School…I also had the awesome opportunity to work as a Staff Assistant for the Harvard Initiative for Global Health, where I learned about where some of academia's current concerns are in regards to global health and what efforts the resources are going to, such as health measurements and accountability. I was able to expand my support system to accomplish my goals. It has been a round-about way for getting to do what I had originally planned. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was 6 years old and my journey has allowed me to deepen my understanding and see a more holistic picture of my role in serving my community, including the most vulnerable of our society.

In those few years, I learned from innovative projects and different sectors of the economy. I saw that doctors have an immense capacity to help their communities. In my post-college years, I desired to serve the underserved in this country and use this place of trust to build a bridge between such communities in the United States and other poor communities in the world- where many are without health insurance, access to treatment and a voice. In those years, I imagined myself as a doctor serving the underserved, I had dreamed of being able to help them improve their health, enabling them to work and better their lives and their families. However, I have realized over the years that to be a doctor, I must be a doctor for everyone, in every circumstance. For me, medicine is a place of service, a place to access and mobilize resources, and a very powerful art and tool that takes a great deal of commitment and discipline- a mastery that I want to continue to learn and practice. For my family and community, healthcare has been our saving grace (my mom is a nurse and we were able to earn our citizenship largely because she was and still is a nurse) and our escape route from poverty.

I started medical school as a single mother with an 11-month old baby. I drew on my life experiences as sources of strength during that time. For example, I thought back on a decision of my basketball Coach Uyeshima for giving me, his highest scorer, point guard and team captain, 50 extra lines and sitting me out a game for being late despite knowing that we would lose a crucial game. In high school, Coach Uyeshima lost a game for me, so that somehow when life hits, and it does hit for everyone, I wouldn’t lose later on in life because of the lessons he taught me through playing basketball. In medical school, being a single mother, I knew better than any evaluator what my weaknesses were and I worked at them every day.  I stuck with the fundamentals and drills.  I stayed in anatomy lab long after everyone else, with Pandora Radio as my only companion. I knew that to make it, I had to do 50 extra lines and seeing my child’s face and open arms when I came home gave me more drive and inspiration to keep on going. 

On deeper retrospection, it wasn’t just Coach Uyeshima that helped me find strength in life, it was also my dad who taught me to start a car battery-charging business when I was eight years old; and my grandparents for encouraging us to make pastries and sell them on the side of the road and the market on summer breaks, all in a little rural town in the Philippines. This taught me the value of a great work ethic early in life; for Mr. Tratnyck and Mr. Stark, who in 3rd  grade told me to focus on science and math despite being teased and not speaking English well; for June Jordan in college for helping me find my voice and inspiring others to do the same; and for the experiences along the way which have helped me find that inner peace and focus despite what is going on externally.  I’ll strive to be a great general and trauma/critical care surgeon because of the people who have come into my life and because of the discipline that I have worked hard to practice daily. I live with a real strong back bone, principles and work ethic. I work hard;  I sacrifice comfort for growth;  I don’t focus on what I have and not have, but I focus on what I can do at the moment to be helpful/useful, and when I learn something better, I try to always do better. I do the extra 50 lines; I am calm, grateful and I am driven by my unwavering hope for the future; I believe that problem solving not only stems from knowledge, but also from will; and I am realistic about the goals that I set for myself. I don’t back down when times get tough- I get more focused, dedicated, and committed.  And I will never forget where I have come from and where I am going. I’ll always be grateful to the numerous people that have helped me along the way.

I am looking forward to the challenging, fascinating, and fulfilling work that includes emerging therapies and new technologies in general and trauma surgery and surgical critical care. And above all, I hold fast to the commitment to bettering and saving lives. As one of my colleagues in the global health field, Dr. Sri Shamasunder, once said to me, “The will to do good, doesn’t mean you have the expertise to do that good.” Being able to offer care and hope to a vulnerable patient is my ultimate aspiration and this aspiration has taken me so far in life. My training in general and trauma surgery and surgical critical care has allowed me to obtain an expertise to be able to do that good.

Aside from my great surgical training and trauma background, I think it is important to highlight the other aspects of my skills and experiences that will enable me to treat patients as whole individual human beings. I received a B.A in International Development Studies focusing on Southeast Asia, Economics and International Health.  I taught poetry and writing at UC Berkeley, Berkeley High School and at a Boston housing project to at-risk youth during my post-baccalaureate at the Harvard Health Careers Program and while working at the Harvard Initiative for Global Health.  After college, I worked at a nonprofit that helped local leaders apply to become nonprofits. I helped these local leaders learn how to grant write, fund raise and develop program plans. We had about 160 projects/leaders under our umbrella.  We reviewed and managed the First 5 LA Grants, which funded programs and services to support the development of children, from prenatal to five-years old. 

After my post-baccalaureate education, I went back to Southern California, and while in the process of applying to medical school and taking the MCATs , I took classes to further my skills in organizational and institutional development, fundraising, event planning and public relations. While taking this coursework, I tutored bilingual Spanish-speaking school-age children in math and language arts. (I am able to speak basic conversational Spanish and I speak Cebuano, a Filipino dialect, and can understand Tagalog.)

Throughout my education and training, I’ve worked odd jobs to get an education and make a living. My parents helped whenever they could. I’ve worked in the service industry and I’ve been a cashier, a data entry clerk/assistant, a pharmacy clerk, a waitress several times, dabbled in website creation/design (learned html coding while in college), a bartender, a life insurance agent, a mentor for at-risk youth, a tutor for elementary kids, a teacher for an after-school program, and a stay-at-home parent. During medical school and part of my general surgery residency, I was a single-mom living far away from family. I’ve been thrown different challenges and I’ve been able to handle them to arrive at a place where I can be of use and service to my community. And I believe that I’ve also been thrown these challenges to not only be able to sympathize with the many patients who will come through my door, but to be able to truly empathize with them because I’ve truly walked in some of their shoes.

I am not only a general/trauma/critical care surgeon with an interest in health care delivery systems and management, but I have life experiences and skills to be able to connect and advocate for my patients and their families and help build community.

When I was 20 years old, I bought a flight for a one-week vacation here in Hawaii to get away from the stress of my full-load undergraduate study and my waitressing job with nothing but my backpack, knowing well I couldn’t afford anything else but that flight and food. I just wanted to get away. When I got here, I never felt such a belonging in all the years I had been alive, like the belonging that I felt here in Hawaii. I love the land, the ocean, the plant and animal life. I love the people. Oh how I love the people. They remind me of my childhood. I promised myself that someday, I would make a home for my wandering soul here. Despite, the challenges and the hardships along the way that would try to convince me that that dream would never happen, I couldn’t shake that longing away. These islands kept on beckoning me. It took me 17 years to finally make that happen AND along the way, I was able to gain an education, training and skills to be of use and service to the people here in Hawaii.

…

I am not just a doctor and a surgeon, I am a healer who wants to know my patients individually and personally. I want to treat the whole person.

Ode to bicycles

I was walking
down
a sizzling road:
the sun popped like
a field of blazing maize,
the
earth
was hot,
an infinite circle
with an empty
blue sky overhead.

A few bicycles
passed
me by,
the only
insects
in
that dry
moment of summer,
silent,
swift,
translucent;
they
barely stirred
the air.

Workers and girls
were riding to their
factories,
giving
their eyes
to summer,
their heads to the sky,
sitting on the
hard
beetle backs
of the whirling
bicycles
that whirred
as they rode by
bridges, rosebushes, brambles
and midday.

I thought about evening when
the boys
wash up,
sing, eat, raise
a cup
of wine
in honor
of love
and life,
and waiting
at the door,
the bicycle,
stilled,
because
only moving
does it have a soul,
and fallen there
it isn't
a translucent insect
humming
through summer
but
a cold
skeleton
that will return to
life
only
when it's needed,
when it's light,
that is,
with
the
resurrection
of each day.